STEVE-O TO PROCREATE?
The Howard Stern Show for February 25, 2008

Howard started off the show asking Artie about his appearance on Conan last Thursday. Artie laughed at how phony and “showbiz to the umpteenth degree” the guest before him, Randy Jackson (of “American Idol” fame) was; the guy even talked about himself in the third person, telling Artie, “The Dog loves what you do.” Artie said he had no idea who “The Dog” was until Randy used the phrase again on the show and Conan asked him directly; “And you're 'The Dog'?”

Howard noted that he went to Artie's show at the Borgata over the break, and accidentally walked in during Nick Di Paolo's set. Howard said Nick was kind of put off by the audience's thunderous reaction to Howard's entrance, and Artie agreed; the interruption led Nick to end his set five minutes early. Howard laughed that one person wasn't nervous at all in front of the large audience: Jeff the Drunk.

Jeff called in to discuss the event, and Howard immediately remarked that Jeff sounded sick. Jeff said he was “fine” but had fallen the other day. JD came in to tell the crew that Jeff and his odd-looking friends were really rude backstage and – despite having more free food and booze than any man could want – yelling for attention, so everyone admonished Jeff for being unappreciative yet again.

Howard confessed that he pleasured himself a couple of times yesterday, once just minutes after Beth left the apartment, and the second time right before a nap. Howard said the porn he used, “Bound to Please 2,” was “terrific” and featured some pretty heavy bondage; “She's tied up, but not really tied up, because you can't f’ a girl who's tied up on film. That's rape or something.” JD came into tell Howard that the girl in the movie, Bree Olsen, was such a big fan of Howard's, she left her number for him after her last appearance on the show.

Howard got Jimmy Kimmel and Eric the Midget on the line to discuss Eric's recent appearance on Jimmy's show. Howard played a clip of Jimmy acknowledging Eric in the audience, and Jimmy laughed that the audience was so weirded out by Eric, it took them 8 minutes to “recover” from his on-screen appearance and start laughing again. Jimmy said Eric's was a “sub-midget”: “I'm seen midgets. He's smaller than a midget. He's a cantaloupe.”

Howard questioned Eric about the pictures that have surfaced of him kissing his “girlfriend,” Kendra, and Eric claimed the shots were legit. Howard wondered if Eric spent any time with Kendra when her photographer wasn't around, but Eric was indifferent. Howard and Jimmy then speculated that Eric seemed so ready to “move on” from Kendra because now that he's met her, he knows that she's not really into him.

Kendra called in to ask Eric if he really wanted to “play the field,” and Eric confirmed it, saying the couple's trip to a strip club changed his mind. Steve Langford then came in to say Eric was lying; the whole “break-up” was a ruse meant to cover up an already fake relationship. Eric swore (on the life of his mother) that the series of events was all genuine, and Johnny Fratto called in to do the same. Howard said he wanted all parties to take a lie detector test.

Howard welcomed Steve-O to the studio to promote his new rap album, but Steve drunkenly claimed he wasn't there to promote anything. Steve said he knew Howard didn't care about any plugs – and then began verbally attacking his lawyer, record label, Eminem, Britney Spears, and Martha Stewart. Howard asked Steve about his drunken appearance at the Gene Simmons roast, but Steve ignored him and began shouting about his upcoming mix-tape.

Steve continued ranting about drug use, his Jackass co-stars, and his new wife, Brittany McGraw (Steve went on to explain that they were engaged, but bad not yet had their “wedding party”). Howard asked Steve what drugs he'd been using, so Steve listed Ketamine, PCP, and weed – but he's quit using nitrous oxide. Steve then introduced his bodyguard, Big Reg, and Howard asked Reg if Steve was always so out of control. As Big Reg was admitting that his job was difficult, Steve lit up “a blunt” in the studio.

Harvey Levin of TMZ called in to apologize about the snarky video he posted on his Website last, which Howard really appreciated. Howard claimed he was always nice to the TMZ cameramen, and Harvey agreed, saying Howard was nothing like Jessica Alba, who frequently goes to great lengths to hide from the paparazzi. The crew then commended Harvey for having the media-savvy to call in and nip Howard's ire in the bud.

Howard wondered if Jim Florentine had ever stayed over at Robin's house, but she wouldn't give a straight answer: “Maybe.” Later, Gary brought in a picture of Robin holding hands with Jim Florentine in San Francisco over the break. Howard asked Robin if they visited the San Fran spot where she infamously had anal sex (in a public restroom) on a first date, but Robin said no; “We didn't even drive by.”

Mr. Skin stopped by to announce this year's “Skinatomy Awards”:

Breasts of the Year: Keeley Hazell in “Cashback.”

Best Underwear: Jessica Biel in “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.”

Best TV Show for nude scenes: “Tell Me You Love Me.”

Best Cartoon Poon: Angelina Jolie in “Beowulf.”

Best Movie Short: Natalie Portman in “Hotel Chevalier.”

Best Half-Bush: Kelly Garner in “Havoc 2: Normal Adolescent Behavior.”

Best Lesbian Scene: Kristanna Loken and Katherine Moennig on “The L Word.”

Best Grown-Up Child Star: Christina Ricci in “Black Snake Moan.”

Best Thong: Cameron Richardson in “Rise: Blood Hunter.”

Breast Picture: “Good Luck Chuck.”

Best Ass: Gabrielle Richens in “Hack!”

Best Fake Breasts: Jessica Canseco in “Getting It.”

The New York Times is under fire for implying that John McCain might have had an affair.

Some guy is claiming that he had sex and did coke with Barack Obama.

O.J. Simpson might still be beating up his girlfriends.

Hillary is upset with Obama's mailers.

Superdelegates won't go away.

Fidel Castro has “stepped aside.”

Ralph Nader is running for president again.

Fox has been fined by the FCC.

Valerie Bertinelli is releasing an autobiography.

A man was bitten by a shark off the coast of Fort Lauderdale.

Pictures of J.Lo's babies are worth millions.

Starbucks customers watched as a man was beaten and robbed in front of the store.

Another crazy mom killed her kids.

The Academy Awards were last night.

Foreigners won big at the Oscars.

“Vantage Point” is number one at the box office.