BEETLEJUICE IS SPAWN AS CAN
Beetlejuice came in wearing a “Spawn” costume and Robin told him he looked like he'd gained a little weight. Beet nodded: "I gained weight, like, 230 pounds." Asked if the weight gain was due to the pressures of his new HowardTV reality show, Beet again agreed: "Oh it was pretty hard." Howard wondered where Beet came up with idea for the show, so Beet snapped: "I got brains, man."
The crew asked after Beet's recent turn toward an anti-semitic perspective, which Beet explained: "I hate Jewish...I learned that sometime when I was little kid. I learned that like 10 years ago. School of life, man." Howard wondered how Beet recognized Jews, and Beet claimed to have a kind of internal Jew-dar: "I don't know but they are Jews. I can't tell but they are Jewish."
BEET LANDS A PLANE
Howard asked if Beet had ever landed a plane (Beet: "A few years back, yeah.") and could help talk a distressed pilot through a landing. As Fred played a distressed pilot, Beet guided him down: "Before you land make sure to stay straight, though. Then, like, you gotta like stay straight...Slow down a little. Just a little – you almost got it – stay up, buddy." The “plane” crashed...and Beet laughed.
A garbage can then began moving near Beet's feet, but Beet was non-plussed until his friend, Dominic the Dwarf, popped out: "I know you said it was garbage!" Dominick jokingly referenced Beet's tendency to blame his accidents on others: "This is the only way they could keep me from shitting in Beetle's pants."
PORN STARS BEAT THE BEET
Porn stars Priya Rai and Mariah Milano stopped by to play the Beetlejuice Mismatch Game. Priya told the crew she could see ghosts: "I do see things. It's usually when I'm sober. I try to stay f’ed up most of the time so I don't see it." Artie thought Priya was “f’ed up” right then: "I can tell she's high." Priya denied it at first but eventually fessed up: "I had a couple drinks."
Howard had the girls strip down to play the game, which got Beet very excited: "I'm gonna hit that tonight...Oh, I'd bang it all up." The girls proved loud and difficult to control, so Howard gave up on the game early, turning to Robin: "I give up on the game. You know this is gonna be impossible."
STEPHEN STILLS IS EASY
Stephen Stills stopped by to promote his new album, “Live at Shephard's Bush,” and Howard asked him about his songwriting process. Stephen shrugged: "They kinda just show up. These days I sit down and start typing." Stephen went on to remark that his CSN partners were fame hungry: "I work with the two biggest camera hogs in the world." Howard wondered if Stephen thought of himself as the leader of the band, and Stephen nodded: "I was." Robin asked when he lost control, and Steven explained: "When Crosby got sober."
Stephen complained about a variety of topics, including illegal piracy and music downloading: "Stealing has become a national pastime." Neil Young: "Being difficult is part of his personality. [Howard] would understand him perfectly." His biggest hit, “Love the One You're With”: "If I'm remembered for anything, I'd like a lot of other songs to be it." And later – after performances of “Midnight Rider,” “Treetop Flyer” and “Love the One You're With” – opined about singing before noon: "And that is why you don't play music at 8 in the morning."
STEPHEN ON THE GREATS
Howard questioned Stephen about being asked to be in the Jimi Hendrix Experience, so Stephen explained he'd endeared himself to Jimi by "being easy" and called Jimi "the best." Stephen added that his management withheld the message: "I was in Hawaii...Jimi and I had been thinking about this over in London for a while. But they didn't pass on the message." Stephen added that the reason they didn’t this was that the manager didn’t want to break up CSN. Howard wondered if Stephen would've taken the job and Stephen snapped: "Hell yeah!"
Stephen later denied ever being in love with Joni Mitchell ("No. Well, I mean I love her but I was never in love with her.") or ever being heavily into drugs: "Opinions vary. I managed myself pretty well." Stephen confessed that he did have a drinking problem at one point and also told the crew that – despite their fears – it was still possible to have an orgasm after having his prostate removed: "Well, it's a different kind of coming, but yeah."
