THE MISS WITH THE MOST
The Howard Stern Show for February 13, 2008

Howard reported that Artie was “sick” again today, but the fat man didn't even call this time; he had his assistant, Teddy, do it for him. Howard, for one, said he believed Artie really was sick, as obesity couldn't be great for anyone's health. A caller thought the message Artie left yesterday was kind of an “F’ you” message, since he didn't cough (as usual), but laughs instead. Howard listened to the message again and heard the laugh but didn't agree with the caller's assessment.

Eric the Midget called in to discuss his American Idol Webcast, so JD came in to say Eric's show was so boring, he had to stand while editing the audio to keep from falling asleep. Howard laughed that Eric couldn't even be heard on the show, and after hearing some clips, Eric agreed. Howard then told Eric that his “girlfriend,” Kendra’s, refusal to visit to him makes her “the meanest person ever,” which upset Eric so much, he hung up.

Eric called back in, so Gary read the message Eric sent Kendra along with a gold-cast rose from Steven Singer jewelers: “This rose is symbol of the fact that it symbolizes that my heart is as pure as the gold. You are as beautiful as the rose.” Howard told Eric that he could do better, and Eric agreed, saying he had to think quick. Howard then announced that Jimmy Kimmel was willing to pay for Kendra to visit Eric, but Eric resisted.

Howard asked Eric if he could start looking for a better love match for him, but Eric claimed Howard could never find a woman who compared to Kendra. Robin wondered if Kendra had ever told Eric that she “ached for his touch,” and Eric admitted she had never said that. Eric's answer led Robin to refer to Kendra as his “imaginary girlfriend,” which angered him and caused him to insist the crew's suspicions were unfounded.

Howard got singer/songwriter, Lennon Murphy on the phone to discuss the lawsuit Yoko Ono has brought against her. Lennon explained that Lennon was her real name – which was why she owns the trademark for the name “Lennon.” Howard asked Lennon what Yoko was so upset about, but Lennon wasn't sure, as she wasn’t trying to fool anyone into thinking she was related to John Lennon in any way. Howard and Fred agreed, citing Beck/Jeff Beck and Elvis (Presley) /Elvis Costello as similar cases.

Rapper, Flo Rida stopped by to sing “Low,” currently the number one song in the country, and kicked things off by telling Howard how he struggled for a long time before finally scoring a hit song. Howard noticed Flo's jewelry, so Flo explained he'd already spent $400,000 on jewels since “blowing up.” Flo also claimed he was voted “most attractive” in high school and first got laid when he was only thirteen.

Howard asked Flo if he'd ever had an orgy, and Flo admitted he had; recently, in Hawaii, he had 11 women up to his hotel room, and things “got a little crazy.” Flo said he also gets a lot of groupies, some of whom try to remove his pants while he's still performing. Howard wondered if Flo accepted random blow-jobs, but Flo denied it, saying he would never risk his health by foregoing a condom.

Flo asked Howard how many women he's ever had at the same time, and Howard answered “Two.” Flo replied, “You keep timesin' that and timesin' that, and you'll end up with eleven.” Howard was amused by Flo's logic, laughing, “You are really macho.” Flo then presented Howard with some cash (which stunned Howard; “This is real money! Wow.”) to throw in the air [ed: thereby “makin' it rain”] for his dancer during his performance. Gary speculated that Flo must've brought over $1,000 in singles, but Flo scoffed, claiming the total was “more like $5,000.”

Flo and his crew (Ashley & Four Mill) then broke into a live, in-studio performance of “Low.” Afterward, Howard marveled at Flo's back-up dancer, Ashley, and her ability to move one ass-cheek at a time. Richard and Sal came in to report that JD was in love with Ashley, so Howard allowed JD to come in and smack her ass.


Somebody noted how the entire studio floor was covered with singles, so Richard and Sal asked Flo if they could dance naked for the cash or dip their penises in honey to “fish” for cash, but Flo was bummed out by both ideas. Richard and Sal settled on smacking each other's asses, leading Flo to turn his head; “Tell me when this is over, Howard.”

Howard welcomed Brenda, Miss HowardTV for March, to the studio and told her how fantastic her real breasts were. Brenda countered that they sagged a little when she doesn't wear a bra, so she considering getting implants to rectify the problems. Brenda added that she was from Jersey and worked as a part-time model (recently co-starring in Jay-Z's “Blue Magic”). Howard then asked if Brenda had ever been with a girl, and she admitted she had – but she was sticking to men for the time being.

Howard played High Pitch Mike's new Artie-calling-in- sick-skewering “Lowdown.” Mike then came in to ask Howard how Artie's situation was different from that of K.C.'s, as K.C.'s behavior warranted an intervention. Howard said the difference was that Artie was a good worker and K.C.'s problems were affecting the workplace. Mike understood, and Robin seconded Howard's assessment, as Artie was grappling with both weight and health issues.

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Sharon Bush is keeping her precious.

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The writers' strike is (really) over.

It's Paris Hilton's birthday week! Sorry, bro!