BETH O RAN HER OWN RACE
Howard started off the show noting that Beth completed the New York Marathon yesterday with a time of 4:15:36. Howard added that she actually improved her pace over the course - despite stopping to go to (and wait in line for) the bathroom three times: "She ran a negative split. She got faster...She said, 'I want to enjoy the race.'"
Howard laughed that he went out to see Beth as she crossed the finish line and tried to wear a disguise (sunglasses and a cap): "And each [paparazzi] photo is worse than the next. I look like an old bird...Look at the Daily News if you want to see a nightmare." Robin asked if Beth hit what marathoners call "the wall" at the 20/22-mile mark, but Howard said Beth's training prepared her for it: "Not really. She said that wasn't a problem for her."
REMEMBERING LEAH WALSH
Howard reported that his mom went to Leah Walsh's funeral, as she's the one who recommended Leah for an internship on the show (Leah’s parents lived on the same block as the Sterns). Howard then played the clip of Leah's husband (and alleged killer) crying when she went "missing." As a counterpoint, Howard also played a heartbreakingly ironic clip from Leah's appearance on The Intern Beauty Pageant, in which she told the judges that she never had much luck with men.
MICHAEL JACKSON LOVES HALLOWEEN
Howard welcomed Natalie Maines, who flew in from California especially for today's "viewing" of Eric the Midget, and she laughed that Michael Jackson showed up at her Halloween party over the weekend: "A couple people went up to him and told him he had the greatest Michael Jackson costume ever."
Natalie added that Michael brought all three of his own children, the eldest of whom was "the most well-adjusted, self-assured" kid she'd ever met.
Howard asked if Michael talked at all, and Natalie replied, "I think maybe he's stuck in time as a child. I felt like maybe he's a child. He's got lots of handlers."
ERIC THE MIDGET'S FIRST LIVE APPEARANCE
Howard welcomed Eric the Midget and the two Bunny Ranch girls who took his virginity to the studio and the little guy greeted the crew as best he could: "Good morning."
Eric said he had a threesome with the girls last night but refused to give details: "Hanging out with them was fun. As far as you people are concerned, it's my personal business. You're cut off."
Howard told Eric he wouldn't have bagged the chicks if it weren't for the show, and Eric eventually broke down, saying that the girls kept him up until 2am.
The girls - Hailey and Cherry - then described the experience, "We took his pants off and he was good to go...he loves to kiss [our breasts] and touch 'em and suck 'em and touch 'em some more...
he was on his back...surprisingly [he] doesn't finish as fast as you think."
Howard asked Cherry, the girl who actually had intercourse with Eric, if she had an orgasm, and she said that she didn't - though Eric did try to manipulate her clitoris during sex, something he claimed to have learned from watching porn
ERIC'S REAL DOLL IS A GO
Howard then introduced Eric to a representative from the Real Doll company, explaining that he was there take Eric's measurements for a Real Doll facsimile. Eric refused to consent: "No he's f’ing not. I will break his wrist. I don't care if it's painless. Stay the f’ away from me."
The Real Doll representative thought Eric could expect a share of the profits from the "millions" of Eric the Midget real dolls they hoped to sell, but Eric wouldn't budge.
Eric then told the crew that his parents were still upset about the show publicizing his deflowering, so Howard promised him a consolation prize: High Pitch "Kelly Clarkson" Erik! Who came in and sang a song about her "stinky twat" for Eric, but Eric didn't respond as planned: "Get the f’ away from me, High Pitch."
"Kelly Clarkson" knew her/his cue: "Who's High Pitch? I'm Kelly Clarkson." Howard then asked Eric if he'd consent to the Real Doll if he could produce Diana DeGarmo - and Eric agreed.
