VOTE FOR SANJAYA
The Howard Stern Show for January 20, 2009

Howard started off the show noting that Tim Sabean managed to get Suzanne Muldowney - aka Underdog Lady - to host an hour-long special last night, and the results were bizarre. Suzanne never acknowledged that she was Underdog Lady (or even so much as mention Underdog) and would frequently hang up on calls she didn't like. Howard said Suzanne only got really angry once - she raged over not being invited to perform at Obama's inauguration.

Howard said he had dinner with the crew over last weekend and allowed Robin to order the wine - only to find out she had ordered an $800 bottle: "I looked at the bill and it took my breath away." Howard laughed that one would have been ok, but it took three bottles to serve the whole table, bringing the wine tab to over $2,400. Robin explained that she ordered a special wine for a special occasion ("You should've ordered yourself!"), adding: "I don't even look at the price when I take you out. I pay."

Robin claimed she was going to pay Howard back for the cost of the wine: "I'm going to give it to you and you're going to take it." Howard insisted that he would never accept Robin's check, so Robin repeated: "I don't care what you say. I'm paying for the wine...to bring this up is very rude. Don't take me to dinner ever again."

Howard also laughed that Benjy, after arriving a half hour late, ordered tuna tartar as an appetizer and a trout dish as his entree announcing that he loved fish - even though he's repeatedly refused to eat fish in the past. Howard admonished Benjy for taking forever to eat his entree, and Gary seconded the compliant, telling Benjy he that should have known better: "You know [Howard] likes to keep things moving along...You know he gets tired early." Howard told Benjy to be punctual next time and "follow the signals."

Former KKK Grand Dragon Daniel Carver called in to discuss Obama's inauguration: "The only reason he got in was the color of his skin." Daniel repeatedly used the n-word in reference to Obama and Robin - and made up a new word for “inauguration” featuring the n-word, which Artie credited to a Klan joke writer. Daniel promised that riots would break out should Obama ever be assassinated: "Good thing I'm safe up here in the mountains in Georgia...[black people] are always hunting for an excuse to riot anyway...[black people] are savages."

Sanjaya Malakar stopped by to promote his new book, "Dancing to the Music in my Head," and acknowledge the show's role in his seventh place "American Idol" finish. Howard asked Sanjaya if he felt the judges had tried to turn him into a joke, and Sanjaya admitted his role on the show was "to be outrageous." Sanjaya added that he was actually happy with the show’s final outcome, noting that Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson also finished seventh.

Sanjaya laughed that he spent most of his "American Idol" money on a Toyota Prius for his sister and other junk: "I was really comfortable and then I realized I had to make more money...I didn't listen." Howard asked Sanjaya about all the pot plants that were found in his mom's garage, but Sanjaya dismissed the case, saying the 316 plant-operation was "overblown" by police and was really intended for "medical use."

Howard told Sanjaya that he "assumed you were gay, but in your book you say you're straight." Sanjaya answered that he had a girlfriend – she’s currently a high school senior - and an active sex life (with her): "I'm not [gay]. Penises are weird looking." Howard also asked Sanjaya to admit the show had a role in his "Idol" success, so Sanjaya acknowledged Howard's support: "It's obviously a good thing."

Howard wondered if Sanjaya would ever pose nude, and Sanjaya said he might: "I would if it were a really classy...I wouldn't do Playgirl...in the future, done right." Howard read a few trash-talking quotes from Blake Lewis - one of Sanjaya's fellow "Idol" contestants - but Sanjaya refused to answer in kind. Eric the Midget then called in to ask Sanjaya a question, but Howard cut him off, as Eric had been a vocal Sanjaya detractor during his "Idol" stint.

While Eric was on the line, Howard played a voicemail Eric had left for an unsatisfied customer. In the clip, Eric told the customer, who was asking for a refund for a photo and message he had never received, that he wasn't ripping anyone off: "I'm not High Pitch [Eric], you dumb f’. I don't rip anyone off...Don't come back to the store. Goodbye for good, jackass." Robin joked that Eric's customer service department needed some "spiffing up."

Dan the Song Parody Man came in to talk about the loan Artie had given him, which keeps getting brought up on the air. Dan claimed he was expecting a "windfall" that will help him repay the debt - and though he thought it would come earlier, it's been delayed. Artie told the crew that he actually did Dan a favor by only loaning him half the $15,000 he had originally asked for, and Dan admitted the story was true.

Dan then said he was angry with Steve Langford for reporting on the story further ("It's between myself and Artie.") and claimed he'd asked Steve not to run it: "You're a human piece of f’ shit...You better walk past me fast if you walk past me." Howard told Dan not to forget that he was at fault for initially borrowing $7,500 and was, therefore, fair game for the Howard 100 News department: "As mad as you are at Steve...we're all a team here."

Sashalee, next month's Miss HowardTV, came in to say hi and told the crew that dating Artie was out of the question - she's only 20 and won't date guys over 30. Sashalee added that she's only had three boyfriends and has never masturbated. Howard called Sashalee a liar: "Unless there's a huge sexual hang-up, I don't see you not touching yourself eventually." Robin thought it was possible: "A lot of women are uptight and it might take them a while."

Steve Langford reported that Eric the Midget has only sold two tickets to an upcoming Sacramento Kings game/meet-and-greet he was part of. Of course, Eric then called in to defend himself, claiming that he was not behind the sales: "I don't know them. They're fans, I guess...I'm sure a lot more will be sold." Steve admitted further ticket sales were possible, as the game was still a month and a half away.

Robin told the guys about the “aggressive” massage she got from a male masseuse while at a spa over the weekend, saying the guy approached her in a steam room post-massage: "He wrapped his arms around me [as he helped her on with her robe] and gave me a bunch of kisses all around my cheeks...I was like a baby. I couldn't do anything for myself." Artie thought the guy was hoping she'd reciprocate, and Robin admitted Artie was probably right.

A former Miss USA has become a porn star.

Amy Fisher has too.

President Obama’s inauguration is today.

Memory pills are on the way.

Anne Heche is expecting.

Kelly Osbourne has been arrested.

Donovan has been honored by the French government.

Bruce Springsteen's new record has leaked.

"Paul Blart: Mall Cop" is number one at the box office.

The "Lost in Space" robot guy is dead.

Joaquin Phoenix is trying his hand at rap music.