THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING
The Howard Stern Show for November 4, 2008

Howard started off the show saying that “I Want to be Howard Stern” finalist, Dante's show was really good: "For a guy 25 years old [who] really just got into radio, he really knocked it out of the park." Artie agreed: "He wasn't annoying at all. He's easy to listen to." Howard said one of the high points was Dante fighting with Joey Boots over Natalie Maines' looks - and then played a clip of the fight. Howard added that while he disagreed with Dante's statements about Natalie, he thought the show was a success.

Howard wondered if Eric the Midget could have been less excited by Diana DeGarmo yesterday, speculating that Eric's sex-filled encounters with the Bunny Ranch girls have left him jaded and unexcited by his old obsessions, like "American Idol" contestants. Gary thought Eric would soon develop his usual sense of entitlement and demand sex with one of the Bunny Ranch whores everyday. Howard didn’t think this would be a problem though: Eric could probably demand whatever he wants as long as the Bunny Ranch is discussed on the show each morning.

Howard joked about Sirius/XM programming head Scott Greenstein's ability to book events: "He [once] said, 'We're gonna get Green Day,' and I was like, 'That's great,' and he asked, 'Do you know 'em?'" Howard added that Scott once told him he wanted to book the Rolling Stones, U2 and Green Day for a subscriber appreciation concert in Central Park, but it never panned. Fred laughed that fans probably wouldn't gather en masse for the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.

Joan Rivers stopped by to promote her upcoming stand at The Cutting Room in New York and Howard immediately cut into her for bragging about her $500 wedding gift. Joan insisted that she told her assistant to make a donation to the charity Howard and Beth specified, but she didn't tell her the amount - the assistant did that on her own. Howard said the charity contacted him and said that Joan wanted him to know how much she gave: "I said, 'Gee, Joan must think $500 is a lot of money.'"

Robin told a few stories about Joan being miserable at Howard's wedding, but Joan claimed she had "the best time" and was just joking. Howard laughed that Joan complained to him about Phoebe Snow's performance, so Joan explained: "I've known Phoebe forever. Should I stop making jokes?" Joan did take issue with a long toast given by one of Beth's friends: "She should have said, 'Who do I go to for plastic surgery?' That should have been her speech."

Howard asked Joan about testifying at the Phil Spector trial, so Joan explained that she'd testified about the time Phil came to her Christmas party and ended up pulling a gun on Walter Cronkite's daughter. Joan said it wasn't the first time she'd had to kick him out of her house: "The first time he was drunk. The second time he started with the gun...and as he's walking out, brandishing the gun, my little neighbor went up to him and said 'Merry Christmas.' He was like, 'F’ you!'"

Joan also told a story about sitting next to Bill Clinton at Robert Rauschenberg's funeral but he spent most of the time talking to a pair of nurses sitting on the other side. However, it didn't seem to go anywhere as Howard changed the subject, asking how much it cost to prepare her for today's interview. Joan said her hair cost $200 (On the subject how many strands were real, Joan joked that it wasn't many: "They have names.") and make-up ran her another $150/200: "Next time I'll come [without it all on] and scare the hell out of you."

Howard took issue with Sal for claiming to vote for Obama when he's got McCain/Palin signs in his front lawn. Sal came in saying that he suspected "the Jews for Jesus guy" [ed: a Jewish man Sal once offended at a Passover dinner by toasting the Jews for Jesus movement] put them there as a joke. Sal confessed he was actually having second thoughts, as Obama wants to raise taxes for people who make over $250,000.

Fred and Robin laughed that Sal wasn't making anywhere near that kind of money, and Sal admitted that he just hoped to make that much someday: "But Palin, who wants that pain the ass in the office? If I vote for one or the other I'm gonna regret it." Howard asked Sal if he even knew where Alaska was, so Sal guessed: "Near Greenland? Iceland?"

Steve Langford reported that the GEO Group's spokesperson actually laughed at questions about the unusual number of fatalities at their prisons. Later, when asked about the untimely death of former wackpacker Kenneth Keith Kallenbach in one of their Pennsylvania prisons, they quit laughing and just refused to comment. Howard was blown away by the news: "That's pretty cold." Steve agreed: "They are sinister mofos." Howard commended Steve for the good work but didn't think "mofos" was a very "Dan Rather" thing for a newsman to say.

Howard remarked that his criticism of Ronnie the Limo Driver has changed him for the better - over the years, Howard's ribbing has led Ronnie to jettison his weird turtleneck shirts, the Playboy bunny mudflaps on the limo and his old mullet hairstyle: "We've improved you." Howard said his new target was Ronnie's "Mambo" cologne - and then tested some of it on his wrist, laughing, "That's a strong odor...that'll take over any stank." Sal came in to say it could be used to cover the smell of formaldehyde in a funeral parlor: "My fingers smell like Abe Vigoda." Artie agreed: "It's very seventies."

The Farrelly brothers are going to remake "The Three Stooges."

Lingerie is now available with GPS tracking devices sewn in.

The New York Marathon was not so good for a couple people.

A Wisconsin judge may charge the parents of a young girl with "reckless homicide" after they prayed - instead of sought treatment - for their daughter as she was dying from diabetes.

Fox is paying Seth MacFarlane $100 million to keep making "The Family Guy."

Ohio is preparing for riots.

Palin is now scandal-free.

Barrack Obama's grandmother died yesterday.

Carrie Underwood has new single.

"American Idol" winner David Cook's album is coming soon.

"The Changling" is in theaters.

Ivana Trump has a young boyfriend.