Howard’s Self-Poultry

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Howard said he was freezing yesterday and texting Beth, who was warm and happy in LA. But when he tried to send her a photo of himself wearing a jacket, he was disappointed with his appearance: “I got so upset at what I looked like when I looked at myself. I looked like a chicken.”

Howard claimed he wouldn’t even have saved the picture if he’d accidentally captured – in the background – evidence of a rape or murder.

Howard also confessed to a slowed sex drive in Beth’s absence: “I’ve only beaten off once since Beth left.” A caller thought Howard was just getting old. Howard agreed, saying he thought about masturbating yesterday – but balked: “I was like, You know? Not feeling it.” Robin thought Howard’s restraint would be short-lived: “You’re always congratulating yourself and then you go on a tear…let’s wait and see if you’re mature enough.” Howard laughed that she was probably right: “That’ll be this weekend.”