Gary Dell’Abate Prefers Working From Home Despite Living It Up in the City

Longtime executive producer and longer-time enigma Gary Dell’Abate once again had his colleagues scratching their heads on Tuesday morning.

Despite wanting to continue working from home during the pandemic, Gary recently ventured mask-less into one of Manhattan’s most densely packed districts to watch Bruce Springsteen on Broadway. Howard and co-host Robin Quivers were perplexed by the apparent hypocrisy.

“He does these things [in the city],” Robin laughed. “He just doesn’t want to go to work.”

“You know what it is? He told a lot of people ‘I like working from home so much more because I don’t have Jason [Kaplan] looking at me eating my lox, eating my pretzels … my plantain chips.’”

“Dude, you miss the point of your value on the show. You’re useless to me sitting in your house,” Howard said. “When you’re eating those plantains and hiding them in your drawer, that’s the magic.”

Gary jumped into the conversation to defend himself, explaining he’d technically be willing to return to the office but wasn’t enthusiastic about the prospect. “I enjoy not commuting,” he said before adding, “But yeah I also like not having Jason outside my office watching me eat, as well.”

Howard saw his point, but even so he enjoyed keeping tabs on his executive producer. “I wonder how many hours a day he’s actually working,” he told listeners.

“This is why you’re such a dick about this. You don’t fucking wonder about anybody else … I work plenty fucking hard. You’ll see the fruits of it this whole quarter,” Gary responded before admitting he’d recently gone on a family vacation.

Robin and Howard then noted how many of Gary’s most memorable office moments actually had nothing to do with work, from bogarting black-and-white cookies to literally falling asleep on the job. “I want him back where I can see him,” Howard said. “I wanna see Gary playing solitaire on his computer. I want all those moments. I’m being cheated. I’m being robbed of Gary’s true value.”

While Gary wouldn’t budge on the issue of him not wanting to return to the office, he did confess the theater outing and family vacation were merely the tip of his social calendar’s iceberg. He apparently played pickleball this summer, tried out a paddle board, watched someone defecate on the street, and dined out at a seafood restaurant where he ultimately complained about the lack of crab cakes.

“That’s the Gary stuff I love. ‘Where’s my crab cake, boff?’ Listen, I’m telling you I miss you,” Howard said.

“I miss you, too,” Gary responded, though he still couldn’t understand why Howard seemed more fixated on him than other staffers. “Everybody has a life outside the show. Mine seems to be the only one you’re interested in,” he said.

“I’m interested in you,” Howard said.

“That’s what I’m saying,” Gary agreed. “That was my point. You’re focused on me.”

“Well, we’re all in agreement now,” Robin laughed.