The Great JD-ini Returns … and Ruins Howard’s Birthday

As part of his birthday celebration on Wednesday morning, Howard welcomed the return of staffer JD Harmeyer as the Stern Show’s very own mush-mouthed prophet, JD-ini. “A mumbling mystic who knows all, sees all, and of course eats all … a flabby fortune teller who can see the future but not his own feet,” Howard said. “Join me in welcoming the mystic, the great, the wonderful JD-ini!”

Unfortunately, JD-ini’s soothsaying never lived up to Howard’s grand introduction. The genie (“who lives in a bottle of ranch dressing”) stumbled through nearly every joke he had scripted for him. From Pete Davidson and the pandemic to Vanilla Ice and anti-vaxxers, no topic was off limits and no sentence was uttered coherently. The fumbling fortune teller even crashed and burned while goofing on longtime colleague Ronnie Mund. “I predict Ronnie will finally admit it was a mistake to move to Las Vegas when a ‘deldo’ melts in his ass,” said the hovering head who pretends to like hiking.

“A deldo?” asked a disappointed Robin Quivers. “You had this great line but couldn’t get out dildo.”

At that point, the birthday boy had heard enough. “Thank you, JD-ini, for sharing all of the secrets of the universe except for why I agreed to put you in this role again,” Howard laughed. “Maybe next year, you know what I’d like to do on my birthday? Ron-dini,” he concluded.