Suzanne ‘Underdog’ Muldowney Shares Her List of Demands for ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’

There’s been speculation that vampire-loving parade enthusiast, fashionista, and interpretive dancer Suzanne “Underdog” Muldowney might make an encore appearance on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.” But when Stern Show staffer Chris Wilding called her up to get more details about that possibility, she revealed she’d only be a guest on Jimmy’s late-night show if he complied with a list of her demands.

The first involved scheduling. She was only available on a few specific days in October and while Halloween was an option it would come with plenty of attached strings.

“If he wants me to appear on Halloween night itself, [I] will not be [in costume as] Dracula. That will be Spectrum the Ghost King,” she told Wilding, adding, “Spectrum the Ghost King is my invention, and he is strictly a Halloween character, but Dracula is a perineal.”

Furthermore, Jimmy – who himself is set to appear next week on the Stern Show – must agree not to abridge her 15-minute performance. “The entire Dracula fashion show is like a meal, entrée, or whole art collection that deserves to be seen or heard in its entirety,” Underdog said. “Trimming it down spoils the authenticity of the message of the topic.”

“What if all he could offer you was five minutes of a commercial?” Chris responded.

“I don’t see any point of coming out all that way for such a microscopic spot,” she said.

Muldowney was also particular about what food and drink the show would provide her. “The best [drink] is red Hawaiian Punch, without ice, because I’m in the mood for smooth, consistent drink without a lot of hard objects getting in the way,” she said before explaining why Hawaiian Punch would be on theme, too. “It’s red in color. It would be a soft drink or fruit punch equivalent of blood.”

“If it’s fast food, hamburgers or hot dogs, they must be by themselves – no condiments – because they take away from the taste of the basic meat,” Suzanne continued.

Underdog was also concerned with how much spotlight she might have to share, which she thought might “spoil the integrity of the presentation.” She told Chris that no one from A-list actor Brad Pitt to Jimmy himself should share the stage with her … unless they were willing to appear just briefly as a floating, disembodied head. “We’re supposed to be focusing on me. We get enough Jimmy Kimmel in his usual format of the show,” she explained.

Howard was amazed that even Pitt, who famously played a bloodsucker in “Interview With a Vampire,” was barred from participating. “I’ll give her this: she’s not a star fucker,” he said.

Underdog, for her part, still vividly recalled the time one of her Dracula parade performances was ruined by a sport’s team mascot infringing upon her personal space. “I finally had to pick up my sword and threaten to impale him unless he left … and I ran after him with the sword,” she said.

“What was he dressed as?” Chris wondered.

“I think he was part bird and part anteater,” Underdog responded.