Joan Rivers on Marriage, the Oscars Red Carpet, and Vincent Price’s Ashes

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Joan Rivers stopped in and gave Robin a gift she’d promised her last year: some of Vincent Price’s ashes. This led Joan to name some of the other people’s ashes – including those of her mother, her husband and her hairdressers – she had in her possession, and explained she kept them in “little plastic bags” that she stored in one big designer bag. After reporting she also had the ashes of all her dogs in her bag as well, Joan noted the ashes made her feel secure, despite what anyone thought about the collection. Joan added she wanted to be cremated herself, and that she planned to have all the ashes mixed with hers upon her passing.

Too Young To Be Married

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Howard commented he felt Joan was so busy that she reminded him of “a Jamaican,” which led Joan to say she could’ve gotten him “a better deal” on his engagement ring.

Joan went on to insist the 5.2-karat diamond Howard gave Beth wasn’t enough, and told him he should’ve gone with a 20-karat ring instead. Joan then reported she was married twice, but that her first one only lasted seven months.

Joan went on to say she wanted to be an actress at the time, but, because she didn’t have any work, took out her frustrations on her husband. Joan went on to admit she was “too showbiz” for her husband, whom she reported was the “typical rich guy” who supported her the way her parents once did.

Joan also admitted she didn’t even know what oral sex was at the time, and that her father came to pick her up the day she notified him that she wanted a divorce.

Should’ve Stayed Longer

Joan called Anna Nicole Smith’s death “sad,” but joked that she thought she died of “too much sperm,” and that TrimSpa was putting out another ad assuring people Anna Nicole would lose 30 pounds in the next month.

Joan proceeded to say she didn’t feel sorry for Anna Nicole because of how she “blew her cards,” but did admit she felt badly for her baby. When Joan also noted she believed people in Anna Nicole’s life should’ve helped her through her problems,

Artie replied he felt one of Dana’s faults, in comparison to “a sea” of his own faults, was that she should’ve “stuck around” longer to help him with some of his issues. However, both Joan and Robin took Dana’s side on the matter, explaining there was a point at which people simply couldn’t take such hardships no matter how much love they had in them.

Who’s Hot and Who’s Not

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Joan announced she and her daughter, Melissa, were hosting an Oscar red carpet show for the TV Guide Channel later this month, and referred to Jennifer Lopez as one of the most attractive women out there at the moment. This led Howard to say he once thought he could date Jennifer, recalling a friend of his, Booker, was seeing Jennifer’s sister, and even volunteered to bring Jennifer to his apartment one night.

Howard added, though, that the meeting never took place, and he attributed it to Booker’s jealousy of him and Jennifer potentially getting together. Joan next named Cameron Diaz and Penelope Cruz as two other women she found to be beautiful, before acknowledging she didn’t think Dane Cook was funny, and Chris Rock was her favorite comedian.

Joan then called out Will Farrell and Carrie Underwood as being “mean” to her at the Grammys red-carpet event she hosted, and added she tried to be accommodating to all fans that approached her.