High Pitch Erik Doesn’t Question His Sexuality

ERIK AND DONNIE: A LOVE SCENE

High Pitch Erik called in late in the morning to respond to a listener’s email that Howard had read aloud earlier in the show. It read: “I guarantee you that High Pitch is gay. If a guy stood in front of him with his cock out High Pitch would suck it.”

High Pitch was furious that someone would think he was gay and had no idea where anyone would get that idea.

Howard said that it was probably because of his undying love for Donnie Wahlberg, which leads him to masturbate to “Blue Bloods.” Furthermore, Howard tried to talk Erik down, explaining that it was not a bad thing to be gay and no one would think differently of him.

“I don’t want to be with a man,” he insisted. “[The] only person I love in my life is Donnie Wahlberg,” Erik tried explaining to no avail since the list of men he was attracted to kept expanding to include the likes of Wayne Brady, weatherman Mike Woods, and Gonzo Shitcock.

Shuli came in and told Howard that Erik also recently bought a new pet – a beard dragon named Donnie.

Howard was horrified considering the ill-fated ends all of Erik’s other pets have met. And it seems this time will be no different as Erik will be leaving for a six-day trip to Los Angeles and reportedly plans to simply leave extra food for the lizard.