Show Rundown: December 11, 2018
Ed Torian Gives High Pitch Erik His Long-Awaited Gay Lie Detector Test
Ed Torian Gives High Pitch Erik His Long-Awaited Gay Lie Detector Test
Sexually confused Wack Packer also answers questions about his diet
Howard gave Stern Show listeners an early Christmas present on Tuesday when he welcomed the notorious Ed Torian into the studio to administer Wack Packer High Pitch Erik’s Gay Lie Detector Test.
As excited as Howard was to finally get some straight answers, perhaps no one was more desperate for the results than Erik himself. The sexually confused Wack Packer has openly discussed his attraction to male celebrities like John Stamos, Jimmy Kimmel, and of course Donnie Wahlberg, but he also insists he has heterosexual inclinations, too—most recently when his manhood swelled after a woman complimented his ass.
“Why do you think that is you need a lie detector to tell you if you’re gay?” Howard asked High Pitch on Tuesday.
“Because I just wanted to know in my personal life what I think of myself,” Erik said.
The biggest questions on everyone’s mind pertained to Erik’s sexuality, but Howard had a few other lingering questions about the Wack Packer’s lifestyle, especially considering Erik had recently gained weight despite insisting he is on a restrictive diet.
Whatever the results might reveal, Erik agreed to accept Ed’s findings and live out the rest of his life accordingly. “Erik, if your answers lead us to conclude you are a gay man then you must officially come out, and we will welcome you out of the closet with open arms,” Howard reminded him.
Check out the questions, answers, and analysis of High Pitch Erik’s Gay Lie Detector Test (below).
1. Do you want to have sex with Donnie Wahlberg?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: Yes.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
2. Do you want to have sex with John Stamos?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: Yes.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
3. Do you want to have sex with Jimmy Kimmel?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
4. Are you a homosexual?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Deceptive.
“Well, honestly, I don’t believe that,” Erik interjected. “Like, how could that come out as deceptive?”
5. Do you want to have sex with a man?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Deceptive.
6. Have you ever had gay sex?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
7. Would you like to blow Ed Torian?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
8. Do you want to taste a man’s cum?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
9. Have you ever tasted a man’s cum?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
10. Would you blow Howard Stern?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: Yes.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
11. If Howard Stern wanted to have sex with you, would you let him?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: Yes.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
“What do you imagine doing to me?” Howard wondered after hearing that particular result.
“Whatever you wanted,” Erik replied. “Have it your way, you’re the king, but everybody has to be out of the studio, just me and you,” High Pitch said.
But Robin wondered if he’d make an exception for her. “Robin can stay,” the Wack Packer responded. “But she has to film.”
12. If John Stamos wanted to have sex with you, would you let him?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: Yes.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
13. Are you attracted to Gonzo Shitcock?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
13. Are you attracted to Gary Dell’Abate
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
14. Does the thought of an erect penis turn you on?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Deceptive.
15. Have you ever watched gay porn?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
16. Have you ever masturbated to gay porn?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
17. Have you ever masturbated fantasizing about a man?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
18. Would you let Jimmy Kimmel finish on your face?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
19. Do you think penises are gross?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: Yes.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
20. Have you ever wanted to kiss another man on the mouth or lips?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
21. Have you cheated on your diet?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: Yes.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
22. Have you had fast food in the last month?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: No.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Deceptive.
23. Have you had soda in the last month?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: Yes.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
24. Do you only eat hardboiled eggs for dinner?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: Yes.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Deceptive.
25. Did you eat an entire “family size” bag of M&M’s over Thanksgiving?
High Pitch Erik’s answer: Yes.
Ed Torian’s analysis: Truthful.
“Well, you tested positive for gay and fat,” Howard joked after hearing all the results.
Out of 25 questions, Ed determined High Pitch lied on five of them—three about his sexuality and two about his diet.
“As far as I can see, he is gay,” Ed concluded, though he conceded some answers seemed contradictory. “Maybe, like somebody said, he’s bi,” Ed added. “I hate to tell him that, maybe he is.”
Howard then officially welcomed High Pitch into the gay community and even rewarded him with a $500 coming out bonus, though he agreed the Gay Lie Detector Test results were anything but conclusive.
“I think I’m more confused than ever,” Howard said.
“I think we are now confused and Erik’s not,” Robin added with a laugh.