Jason Kaplan, Sal Governale, and Richard Christy Pitch Howard Their Best Cocktober 2023 Ideas

Cocktober 2023 is just a few weeks away which means it’s the most wonderful time of the year for many Stern Show staffers. “Nothing gets the staff more excited than talking about cock and cock stunts,” Jason Kaplan told Howard on Monday morning. “Everyone just drops what they’re doing and starts pitching cock.”

The excitement was indeed palpable as Howard invited Jason to pitch him and co-host Robin Quivers the staff’s best ideas for Cocktober-themed bits and segments.

Horse-Jacking Competition

“We wanted to do a horse-jacking competition,” Jason began, explaining staffers Chris Wilding and Richard Christy would race to see who could bring a horse to completion first. “We have to keep pushing the envelope, you know?” Jason added.

But Howard said neigh.

“It’s bad enough what we do to human beings. Let’s not extend it to the horses,” Robin agreed.

Cock-ano

The next Cocktober idea involved Richard, his colleague Sal Governale, soda, and Mentos. “I’ll put a Mento up his ass and then pour a soda into his asshole and see if it explodes like a volcano,” Sal told Howard.

“I think it’ll tickle, too,” Richard added.

Howard was intrigued. “I’ll circle that one,” he said. “That’s a possibility.”

The Price Is Very Wrong

The next Sal and Richard bit centered on color-coded condoms and the two staffers wrapping their lips around each other’s members. “They earn money for getting further and further down each other’s cocks,” Jason explained.

Howard didn’t love it. “So, they’re gonna blow each other? That’s what you’re saying?” he asked. “I’m going to take this one off the table.”

The Super Balls

The next Cocktober idea required a foosball table, Sal, Richard, two celebrities, and absolutely no clothes. As Jason explained it, the naked staffers and celebrities would play a game of foosball with their genitals. “We take the little men off the table, and they’d have to use their nut-sack to hit the ball,” he said.

Robin wondered what celebrities would sign up for such an event. “I just can’t see it happening,” she said.

Meanwhile, Richard saw a logistical problem. “My balls don’t hang super low all the time,” Richard said, adding, “[And] what do balls have to do with Cocktober?”

“We need to workshop this one a little,” Jason agreed.

Cock-tails

The next concept was familiar to anyone whose seen Richard chug wine or a beer with his butt. “It’s a twist on a Richard Christy classic,” Jason said. “Now we want to try that with cocktails. We blindfold Richard, Sal mixes a cocktail in his penis pouch and pours it into Richard’s butt, and Richard tells us which cocktail was poured into his butt.”

Howard was indecisive. “I’m going to cross that one out because I feel we’ve seen it before and the audience is craving new action,” he said before later conceding that Richard had “an uncanny ability at tasting things with his asshole.” “I’ll put down a question mark,” he concluded.

Prickleball

The staff’s final pitch was a play on Gary Dell’Abate and Jon Hein’s new favorite sport: pickleball.

“Prickleball is basically just naked pickleball with Jon and Gary,” Jason said, but the concept wasn’t met with much enthusiasm. “Those are the big Cocktober ideas so far, but of course we’re always trying to come up with more,” he continued.

Ralph’s Pitch

Longtime friend of the show Ralph Cirella also got in on the action at one point, calling in to pitch Howard and Robin an idea he’d conjured up all on his own. “All the guys show Robin their cocks … and then she has to guess whose is whose,” Ralph said.

“Wow, look at Ralph dreaming of guys showing their cocks to Robin,” Howard laughed.

“Sal and I would be out because Robin knows ours,” Richard lamented.

Though Howard was ultimately impressed by his staff’s many Cocktober 2024 ideas, he also believed there was still work to be done. “First of all, let me commend my staff for the fabulous imaginations we have around Cocktober,” he said, adding, “We’re going to go to the drawing board… We’re going to keep working on it.”